There’s a lot of buzz surrounding “self-care” these days. With all of the jade rollers, palo santo, thousands of face masks, and bath bombs out there, it’s no secret that the marketing industry has really tapped into this idea.
As a Latina, the idea of “taking care of yourself” can seem so wrong, selfish, and inappropriate given what was happening in our community. Some of us were taught that family always comes first, and anything else beyond that is selfish. It wasn’t until I started working within the mental health industry that I started to de-program these negative messages received about self-care and take a look at it critically.
If you’ve taken an airplane, you know the safety spiel they talk about in the beginning about putting on your oxygen masks. They mention “if you have children, put on your oxygen mask first, then assist your children with their oxygen masks” If you ask a Latina mother whether she would put on her mask first or put the mask on her children, she will tell you, “my child.” And this is where we need to start taking a look at some history on these dynamics.
Marianismo, or the counterpart of Machismo, is the belief and ideals of a nurturing and caring female figure. While there are parts to take away that are beneficial and beautiful from marianismo (and I will argue machismo as well), this is the way that it has been for many centuries.
Part of Marianismo is becoming a “martyr.” No matter the amount of suffering you are going through, you need to bear it for the wellbeing of the family, or the well being of others. Don’t get me wrong, this is a beautiful thing–until it gets to the point of being detrimental to the self. We attempt to be everything for everyone as a result of this.
Yes-I love a good spa day and heading to Ross and buying a cute top I don’t need too, however, self-care can come in many other ways.
Do you need to take a break from going out every weekend? Do you need to put a boundary on your parents for X, Y, or Z reason? Do you need to stop jumping from relationship to relationship? Do you need to verbalize your need for a break from the kids from your partner? Do you need to finally take that step and go to therapy? Would you feel better if you felt more spiritually connected to your faith? Do you need to be around your community more or serve your community more? Do you need to ask for a raise?
Self-care demands that we pay attention to our needs – those more difficult questions that will truly make a difference in our lives. To nurture ourselves simply independent of our own thoughts of self-worth. You don’t “deserve” a spa day because you did so much work this week, you deserve it and owe it to yourself because it is a need, not a luxury. Once we start taking care of ourselves in a mindful and conscientious manner, we give our best to our families, our partners, our work, our community, and most importantly to ourselves.