The Spanish phrase ni de aquí, ni de allá translates to “neither from here, nor there”. It refers to the complex navigation of two cultures that many US born Latinx people face. The phrase alludes to feeling neither fully American or fully foreign (depending on where one’s family is  from). Given that in America being White is considered “standard”, being anything else forces people to find a way to define their identity. The intersectional identity that Latinos carry is complex and, at times, frustrating and painful. There is, however, one identity trait that I’ve noticed is especially complex in comparison with others- speaking the Spanish language. 

In 2017, the Pew Research Center released a survey in which it was found that:

 “Fully 85% of foreign-born self-identified Hispanics say that when they were growing up, their parents often encouraged them to speak Spanish. But that share falls to 68% among the U.S.-born second generation and to just 26% of the third or higher generation Hispanics.” *

Pew Research Center

So what does this mean? How intertwined is speaking Spanish to someone’s Latinidad? For me learning the answer to this question has been a long journey of understanding and compassion. As a first-generation US born Latina, I was raised in a household that primarily spoke Spanish and was always encouraged to speak it. My family felt that Latinx children should speak Spanish and I was blessed to have never struggled with my family’s native tongue nor that of my birth place. I also never experienced being looked down upon for speaking Spanish. For me it was quite the opposite- I felt like an important executive assistant taking medical and legal calls for my family and translating them when I was child. Those moments gave me power and ultimately led to my decision to major in Linguistics in school as an adult. Knowing Spanish, however, didn’t help the feeling of not being American enough or not being Latina enough. I struggled, and sometimes still do, to define where I fit in in the world. 

Consequently, it took me a long time to really understand the challenges and trauma associated with the Spanish language and bilingualism in America. This is especially true for Latinx families who have been in the US for various generations. Families who remember their great grandparents or grandparents being berated in school and having to assimilate as a way to survive have a completely different outlook on the language. I know individuals on all sides of the spectrum when it comes to speaking Spanish. I’ve grown to understand that there is a lot of trauma, insecurity, and internalized racism in the Latinx community. For some, distancing themselves from anything that may make them seem more Latinx is a self-defense mechanism.  Language is just one component in this huge complex web of identity. 

What bewilders me at times is that Spanish is part of this nation’s roots and we can see its influence in various places around the country, especially in the southwest. From city names to street names the Spanish language was one of the founding languages of many areas of the US. If we really want to dig into the complexity of Latinidad and Spanish then it’s important to establish that Spanish is a European language. A lot of people in Latin America can trace indigenous roots markers in their DNA but many Indigenous languages are considered critically endangered. Even if we speak Spanish, we’ve already been robbed of part of our identity. There will always be a power trying to colonize and claim our bodies and minds. It’s up to us to define and find a way to keep our identities.

While I believe being multilingual is a beautiful quality to possess, I don’t believe it defines who belongs and who doesn’t within the Latinx community. As a visual society, many people are judged on their appearance first and personality later. This hard truth means that regardless of whether a person knows Spanish, some people will judge them only based on the color of their skin. As a community, I hope we can stop judging and putting each other down because there are plenty of others out there who are more than happy to do it for us. 

While I believe being multilingual is a beautiful quality to possess, I don’t believe it defines who belongs and who doesn’t within the Latinx community.

I have recently seen a push for more bilingual resources and help for our communities. My hope is that stigmas regarding speaking Spanish continue to be broken down, and that with the help of bilingual professionals many of our people can get the help they desperately need in a language they understand. Some organizations are pushing to have not just Spanish resources but to actually certify and train their staff in bilingual counseling. While we don’t have nearly enough resources, it’s inspiring to see that some organizations are making a push for it. 

Ultimately, I feel we are making changes to create a more linguistically accepting society. The process is slow and faces many setbacks but it is happening. When I think of Latinidad now, I think of it beyond language. Latinidad is about culture and culture includes food, stories, traditions, struggles, and shared history. I now remind my family and others that when it comes to identity the best quality to have is understanding and kindness.

*It’s important to establish here that I’m using Latino/a/x/e as a cultural and geographical ancestry trait, whereas I’m using the term Hispanic as the characteristic of speaking Spanish.